Getting my life back
by weepingelm
Summary: In the past Merlin had been in an abusive relationship, would he be able to move on and let Gwaine, a flirt, in or continue to keep him at a distance. Modern A/U TRIGGERS abusive relationships. one shot COMPLETE


This has been sitting on my computer for ages. I was going to redo it but as I have been lax in posting lately, I thought I would put it out now. Thank you for putting up with me

...,,

Two men were walking along the side of the river Thames, one of the men had his arm slung over the shoulder of the other. They were clearly very much in love. They had been out for a meal to celebrate being together for six months, during the meal the older one had proposed and been readily accepted, it was so new not even their friends and family knew. They stopped and kissed then looked across the water. "Merlin you have made me the happiest man alive, only one thing will ever be better than this…our wedding"

Merlin blushed, he still couldn't believe this wonderful man wanted to marry him. To him Gwaine was one of the best looking and kindest men he had ever met. He had never envisaged that anyone like him would want to marry him. This was the happy ending he had never imagined he could get everything had worked out in a way he had never believed possible. Even the fuss when it hit the papers that they were dating had worked out better than he expected.

Later that night, after they had made love fully for the first time, and Gwaine had fallen asleep Merlin thought back to the events that led up to this and how very luck he had been.

….

Gwaine Green had spent the previous years as a flirt, going from one relationship to another never staying with anyone for longer than three dates. Then he had met Merlin, within minutes of meeting him he knew he had found his other half. The man who would make him happy and a real keeper to settle down with. The trouble was Merlin had heard of his reputation and wasn't interested. He had always lacked self-confidence and his experiences had made that much harder to overcome. No man would ever do that to him again.

Merlin had known he was gay since sixteen but just wasn't interested in the one night stands and frequent relationships all his peers seemed to indulge in. He was now twenty four and had only had two relationships. And he wasn't sure he would ever be ready for another one. One had been a friend when he was sixteen and it had been Will who had made him realise he was gay. The other had been when he was nineteen and had lasted less than a year and had ended in disaster. It had been so silly all his friends had warned him. He could still remember that night as if it were yesterday…. Shaking his head to clear it he forced himself to stop thinking about the past. He wouldn't go there not now.

Shaking his head Merlin came back to the here and now he tried to leave the past were he had buried it. Smiling at himself he thought of Gwaine who had come into his life at the right time. His brother had found the woman of his dreams and was thinking a settling down. But although Merlin had told Percy that he could easily find himself somewhere else to live Percy wouldn't hear of it. Then Arthur his boss had offered him his spare room. Arthur was the same age as his brother and although Merlin's boss had become more like another brother. Morgana who was Arthur's half-sister, a result of a brief affair lived in the flat below Arthur. Since the incident, as everyone no referred to that nights events as, Arthur and Morgana had become very protective of Merlin and were determined to keep a close eye on him. Arthur was even at his young age Vice President of Camelot Industries and a wealthy man, he had money left him in trust by his late mother as well as a very good salary. Merlin reluctantly agreed to move in, but only until he could find his own place. Arthur wouldn't accept rent, but Merlin insisted on paying his share of the bills and he did all the cooking. He would have done the cleaning but Arthur hired a cleaner. Sharing the same accommodation worked out well as Merlin just went into work with his boss, although sometimes they found themselves doing extra work when they got home.

Gwaine was a well-known actor who also did some modelling. He had never settled anywhere long. He had known Arthur Pendragon for many years but due to circumstances had never met Merlin. It was one Friday night when the two men finally met. Percy was having a get together at his flat instead of their normal Friday get together at the pub. Arthur had wanted Gwaine to come, they had met on a couple of occasions and had got on well, but Percy, realised having a film star at the local would have caused all sorts of problems asked if they could meet up at his flat. It suited him as his trusty old car was playing up. As soon as Gwaine had been introduced to Merlin it was clear the brunette was interested in the younger man. But Merlin knowing his reputation and not believing a film star could, in anyway, be interested in him refused. Before long all of Merlin's friends had approached Gwaine with much the same comment.

Arthur had been first. Arthur was a very good looking man and very confident. He could see that Gwaine was very keen, he also knew that the actor was just the sort of man who could sweep Merlin of his feet. Knowing Gwaine's reputation he walked up to him with a drink that first evening. "You seem to have an empty glass" he said with a grin" having got the other man's attention he continued "I can see how you are looking at Merlin, just a warning Merlin is not a one night stand man, he's had a tough time if you hurt him in any way I will make sure you are ruined. So unless you intend to change your ways keep away"

Gwaine looked at Arthur and arched his eyebrow "Can't Merlin make his own mind up without you being a cock blocker?"

"I mean what I said, I have enough contacts in the financial industry to make sure you don't get backing for future films. If you are looking for a fun time find it somewhere else."

Arthur walked away and as he did Percy put his hand on the actors shoulder, although very gentle Percy as a big and muscular man who could be intimidating when he wanted to be.

"He would as well, Pendragon doesn't make idle threats. What's more he beat me to it, leave Merl alone Gwaine he's my kid brother. He doesn't need what you would be offering" Percy looked serious "He has been hurt too much in the past, find someone else"

"And what if I don't want to, maybe I am really interested and am looking for something different. Perc he might just be the one" Gwaine looked at his host.

It had taken two months for Gwaine to talk Merlin into going on their first date, two months where Gwaine dated no one else, he hadn't even been seen in the company of anyone. His drinking and partying had reduced to only commitments he couldn't get out of. He had sent Merlin a constant flow of gifts and texts begging to be given a chance.

One evening Merlin had decided to watch a television programme he normally wouldn't have bothered with. It was a chat show and Gwaine was due on. He wanted to see just how Gwaine came across, he had of course seen several of Gwaine's films in the past but that was different. As Arthur was out, with Mithian his girlfriend, he could watch it without being teased.

It was the normal sort of thing until the interviewer Nimueh Lake said to Gwaine "You haven't been in the press much lately, is it true you have a serious relationship on the go?"

Gwaine smiled "I can't win can I? Either I am a playboy never settling down and in trouble for that, now because I haven't been in the papers I must have a secret relationship, what is it with you guys? But to answer your question no I haven't but perhaps I wouldn't mind one if the right person was interested"

Nimueh jumped on that like a shot. "So you fancy someone? Who is it?"

Gwaine laughed "Well if I did my dear you are one of the last people I would tell. No secrets tonight love, and anyway you know I do not kiss and tell, never have. But if you want to ask about my latest film, after all that's what I am here to promote..!"

The interview continued and they talked about Gwaine's latest film. Once the interview was over and Gwaine had left Nimueh said to the camera "So is Gwaine Green secretly in love? Only time will tell, sooner or later someone will tame the man, but who will it be? If we find out more we will let you know"

Merlin switched the television off and sat there wondering if he was right in refusing to go out with Gwaine, he wouldn't lie to himself, he found the man very attractive, but knew he couldn't cope with a short fling, it just wasn't in his nature, he gave his heart too readily and could end up hurt again. But at the same time he wanted to be loved and held it had been so long. Perhaps it was time to try to trust again. That night Merlin dreamed of just that.

Two evenings later Merlin was sat in the flat he shared with Arthur reading a book when the doorbell went, getting up he walked to the door and opened it to find Gwaine outside "Arthur out for the evening if you wanted him"

Gwaine gave a lazy smile "I know I saw him, it was you I wanted to see. Can I come in?"

A flustered Merlin opened the door further and stepped back letting Gwaine enter. Once Gwaine was inside Merlin closed the door and looked at Gwaine but said nothing, he wasn't sure what to say. Gwaine ran his hand through his shoulder length hair before saying "Look Merlin I understand why you returned all the gifts, I even understand why you didn't answer my texts, but what I don't understand is how to get you to give me a chance. I really like you, will you please tell me what I have to do to get you to come on a date with me?"

Merlin looked at the man in front of him and asked "Why? Why me? Is it just because I keep saying no? I mean I'm not exactly your sort"

That took Gwaine aback "Why you! Have you looked at yourself you're gorgeous, as to my type you most defiantly are. Look Merlin I go on most dates for company and because people like being seen with me and yes I do like sex. But I don't date! I can't remember the last time, if ever that I took out anyone more than three times. But you're different. There is something about you and I want to know you better, I can't say where it will go but I want to try" he paused "At your pace, I won't ask to anything you don't want to give"

Merlin closed his eyes, that was exactly what Valliant had told him when they had started seeing each other, he could hear him saying it 'No pressure we have all the time in the world' but that had changed.

"NO!" Merlin walked away and sat down "No Gwaine I can't! Please go" his voice trembling, he hated feeling this weak he could cope with anything except for this, which is why he didn't see anybody.

Gwaine didn't move, but he looked at Merlin with compassion "I know you have had some trouble in the past" he held up his hands "I don't know details but Percy said you had been hurt, but I'm not like that Merlin. Look give me a chance please. Look you can chose where we go and what we do, just let me get to know you better. I promise you I won't cheat on you or hurt you, hell I haven't gone out with anyone since I met you at Percy's house"

Merlin remained silent and staring down at his hands, Gwaine said no more not wanting to push Merlin. In The end Merlin looked up "But why me? When you can have anyone you want"

"Because you are real, most of the people I meet just want to be seen with me or meet people I know. Half the time I'm working with them and it's easy, for both of us. Actors don't have normal lives and I'm getting sick of it. I didn't realise that till I met you, you are like a breath of fresh air. You are kind, thoughtful and compassionate with none of the selfish attitudes I came across all the time. Added to that you really are a very attractive man. Please Merlin one date"

Gwaine waited then turned to go to the door "OK you win, but if ever you change your mind, you have my number" Gwaine opened the door bitterly disappointed when he heard the one thing he hadn't expected

"K, one date" Merlin said it so quietly Gwaine nearly missed it.

He twirled round mouth open "Thank you Merlin" he paused not wanting to push but as it was clear Merlin wasn't going to speak again he asked "When? And where would you like to go?"

After a few moments Merlin said "You choose, after all you don't want to be in the wrong place, I suppose you get bothered a lot" he still hadn't looked up at Gwaine.

Gwaine went blank, he really hadn't expected the answer or the choice. "Umm Tomorrow? I know a little restaurant we can go to. Thank you Merlin you won't regret it"

Merlin looked up blushing, which Gwaine found even more adorable. "What time? It isn't to posh is it"

"I'll pick you up at seven, and no it's not posh, I've known the owners for years" he paused not sure what to do next, he wanted to hug Merlin but knew that wouldn't be a good idea. "I'll see you tomorrow then"

"Ok, see you then" can the quiet answer, Merlin got up and walked to the door to show Gwaine out. Gwaine followed and left he was on cloud nine. He couldn't remember being this excited about a date in years. He was grinning from ear to ear as he went to his car. He rang the restaurant and made a reservation before heading home.

Merlin closed the door and leant against it wondering what he had just agreed to then he sank down to the floor and started shaking, he really wasn't sure why he agreed and just what Gwaine would want from him. He was still sat there three hours later when Arthur got home and tried to open the door. As the blonde pushed the door he realised something was behind it.

"Merlin!" he shouted as he heard an "ummp" from his friend "What are you doing on the floor?"

Merlin got up feeling very silly, opening the door he let Arthur in and went and sat down next to his friend "What were you doing?"

"I've done something silly" Merlin muttered

Arthur looked at Merlin and began to feel very concerned, sitting by his side he put his arm round him "What?"

"Gwaine came round and asked me out, and I agreed, and I don't know why" Merlin told him

"Why he asked or why you said yes?" Arthur chuckled "The first is easy he's besotted with you, surely you knew that with all the presents, as to why you said yes….I can't answer that one, but you can change your mind" he rubbed Merlin's head "But it will do you good, if nothing comes of it you will have a good time and he won't push himself on you, he knows we would all kill him if he did. Besides he doesn't need to" he paused and added "When are you going and where?"

"Seven o'clock tomorrow and for meal" Merlin muttered "Oh my god what am I going to wear! I am going out with someone famous" Merlin started to melt down.

Arthur smiled "I will help you, do you know where? "

"A small restaurant, not posh he said"

"Well you have that nice jumper Morgana bought you, the blue one and your new jeans. Problem solved, now bed young man you have work in the morning and your boss is a grump git and will make your life hell if you are sleepy"

"He's a prat!" Merlin grinned "Otherwise he'd give me the day off"

"No way, you'd be in melt down by seven if I did" Arthur teased

"Arthur…you won't tell anyone. It's just one date" Merlin pleaded

"I won't, but are you sure it will be only one and not the first of many? Come on idiot" Arthur hoped Merlin wouldn't be hurt and that they would have to pick up the pieces once more. Merlin deserved some happiness.

That night Merlin hardly slept and the next day he was a wreck at work. By the time the two men got home Merlin was in a hell of a state. Morgana had clearly heard as they hadn't been home long when she arrived on the door step "What have you done this time Arthur?" she demanded "Leon tells me Merlin was in a dither all day"

"Nothing to do with me!" Arthur protested "Now clear off"

"Not before I speak to Merlin, you know he's too good for you I'm going to poach him as my PA" Morgana pushed her way in "Merlin" she shouted.

Merlin realising he wouldn't be able to hide came out of his room "Yes Morgana?"

"What had that idiot done? I want you to come to work for me"

Merlin gave a small grin he loved Morgana like a sister but he would never work for her she was to scary when she got mad. "Nothing Morgana honestly I'm just nervous that's all" he told her then bit his tongue, now she would demand to know everything. He looked to Arthur for help.

"All yours Merl" Arthur grinned as he walked away "I'm getting changed"

Merlin looked at his step-sister and shrugged "I have a date tonight, that's all"

Morgana streaked "A date! Who with! He better be good enough for you"

"Just a date and I'm not telling you, now please I have to have a shower, I might let you know tomorrow" Merlin said in the hopes of getting rid of her.

"No way Merlin Emrys, I will not leave until I know all about him, where did you meet for a start?"

Merlin blushed "Please Morgana you are not helping please go" he pleaded

Morganas face morphed as it twigged "Gwaine Green! He final got you to say yes, you tell him from me if he upsets you I will cut off all this hair" then she grinned "Better than that I'll tell him myself" with that she sat down in one of the armchairs and said "I'll wait here until he collects you"

Merlin moved off to his room and then showered and shaved knowing it was useless to try to move her. Then he went into his room and changed before going back into the living room. Arthur and Morgana were sat drinking tea and looked up. Morgana got up and looked Merlin over "Twirl" she demanded

"No, I am not a girl"

"Twirl!" came the sharp retort. Merlin have in and twisted round. "I approve the jeans, although they might give Gwaine ideas, they show your arse of nicely, and the jumper is the same colour as your eyes I knew it would suit you" Morgana was grinning like a Cheshire cat

Merlin looked horrified "I'll change into slacks" he went to leave but Morgana was up and stopped him "Don't you dare, he won't try anything" she snarled "Not when we are through warning him!"

"Don't you dare! I am a grown man stop interfering" Merlin told her, then looking at Arthur he pleaded "Don't let her"

"Don't look at me" Arthur said rolling his eyes "If you hadn't been such a wreck all day she wouldn't have known, it's your own fault."

Merlin stomped of to his room and collected his jacket. When he came out Morgana glared at him "Not that old thing!"

She walked past him and into his room and started to go through his wardrobe bringing out a jacket Arthur had given him for Christmas a couple of years before "This one" she thrust it at him "Your wardrobe is a disgrace, we are going shopping soon if you are dating"

"There is nothing wrong with my clothes" Merlin protested grabbing his blue scarf of the side and throwing it round his neck. "Now I am waiting outside"

He was to late the doorbell rang, Merlin looked at his watch, how had time passed so quickly? Arthur opened the door to find Gwaine outside "Come in"

As Gwaine walked into the room he saw Merlin and smiled "Looking good" he said. But before Merlin could answer Morgana came into sight.

"Gwaine, make sure you look after Merlin and no funny business, not if you wish to keep your shiny hair" she smirked

"Morgana fancy seeing you here" Gwaine drawled lazily.

Arthur chuckled "She came to see how I had upset Merlin, but it wasn't me for once. But she's right upset Merl and you will have us to answer to"

Merlin walked forward and grabbed Gwaine's arm "Let's go, just ignore them"

Gwaine grinned until Morgana shouted after them "I mean it Gwaine Green! You try anything on and you are bald!"

As the door shut Merlin let go of Gwaine arm and looked at his date "Sorry about that, they go overboard"

"That's nice, they clearly care for you. I've already had the talk from Percy" he put his hand in the small of Merlin's back as they entered the lift and went downstairs to the car.

"You TOLD MY BROTHER!" Merlin squawked "What did you do that for?"

"I borrowed Percy's so the paparazzi don't spot us so I had to tell him. I didn't think you wanted that and my car is a bit flash" Gwaine had an Aston Martin BD5, he was well known to love his car more than anything. As they drove to the restaurant Merlin gazed out the window not sure what to say. As they turned down a side street and to the back of a small restaurant Merlin looked surprised. Parking up Gwaine got out an opened the door for Merlin.

"I don't normally take my dated through the back door but this way we won't get spotted. Not that I would mind, does my ego good having you on my arm" he led the way to a backdoor and knocked.

It was opened by the owner who gave Gwaine the biggest grin and hugged him before looking at Merlin "Come in my friends."

Once inside Gwaine introduced Merlin "This is Alberto Rossini and his wife Elsa the best Italian chefs in London. And this is Merlin Emrys my date for this evening"

Alberto looked at Merlin and smiled "It is good to see this man find a proper date rather than the bimbos he normally has on his arm." He turned to Gwaine "Look after this one he's good" he hustled the pair into the restaurant at a table at the back shielded from the other customers "Here you will not be disturbed my friend, none of those paparazzi bother you" he looked at Merlin "Only my best customer have this table and for you the best" he handed a menu to the couple.

Gwaine smiled at Merlin "What say we let Alberto surprise us? I normal do and he never fails to deliver"

Merlin smiled at the chef "Yes please, I haven't eaten much authentic Italian"

"You like everything?" Alberto asked. Merlin nodded "Then we cook for you the food of lovers"

The food was delicious and far exceeded Merlin's expectations of what he would be eating. As they ate they talked about anything and everything. The quiet mood and soft candle light made Merlin begin to relax. He found himself enjoying himself more than he had expected to. Gwaine was charming and curious and although interested didn't pry. Merlin found himself laughing at Gwaine's stories unable to decide if they were really true or an exaggeration of the truth. At one stage when Merlin went out to the toilet Alberto spoke to Gwaine "Let him go and you are a fool, he will be good for you"

"I know Alberto but I have to convince him of that" Gwaine said ruefully.

Later when Gwaine went out Alberto whispered in Merlin's ear "He is a good man and very loyal, do not believe everything you read, you make good couple"

Merlin blushed but didn't comment even though he was beginning to think the chef may well be right. It was eleven before they finished their meal and made their way back to the car, promising to return. Gwaine drove Merlin back and got out of the car and opened the door Merlin's side before he had chance to do so himself "I will walk you home young man" he said with a grin.

"Just to the door of the building, no need to come right up" Merlin reassured him "I won't invite you up, it's late and Arthur will be in bed"

When they reached the door Gwaine looked serious "I have really enjoyed this evening and I hope we can do it again. I won't try to kiss you. I'll leave that for another time. Will you consider it?" Merlin thought he actually sounded slightly apprehensive.

"What a kiss or another date?" Merlin said with a slight grin "I have enjoyed it and I will think about it you have my number, as to the kiss not on the first date, I'm not easy"

"I never for one moment thought you were." Gwaine took Merlin's hand and raising it kissed the knuckles "I will make do with that for now, Goodnight Merlin and thank you" with that he walked away.

Back at the car Gwaine watched as the lights came on in the penthouse before driving off. He felt happier than he had in a long time and was convinced that Merlin was indeed the man for him. All he had to do now was not mess up.

Merlin was also happy with how the evening had gone and wasn't surprised when his phone pinged, as soon as he had opened the flat door, telling him he had a text "Sleep well and dream of me Gwaine xx"

He smiled and replied "You wish! Merlin"

The lights may have been off but as Merlin switched them on he saw his boss and his sister sitting on the sofa in the dark. He looked at them and raised his eyebrows.

Arthur tried to look innocent "It was Morgana's idea"

"We wanted to be sure he didn't pressurise you into anything. So we kept the light of so he thought the flat was empty" Morgana explained brazenly "Look we were only looking out for you!"

"I'm a grown man!" Merlin protested and walked passed them too his room, secretly pleased they cared so much.

Gwaine left it two days before ringing Merlin and asking for another date

"I am free on Thursday then I have to go on location for a week, please say yes" he pleaded

Merlin thought for a short time before answering "Alright since you plead so nicely, but I can't be late, Friday will be hectic we have a series of meetings"

"I'll pick you up at seven again and take you out for another meal, I know just the place, casual dress. And thank you Merlin"

"No, thank you Gwaine" Merlin told him.

By Thursday both men were nervous, Merlin because he wondered if he was doing the right thing and Gwaine because his attraction to Merlin was scaring him more than a bit. He didn't want to mess it all up as he really like Merlin but at the same time he wondered if he was cut out for monogamy. He had already had another phone call from Morgana threatening him with castration if it went wrong. And a long lecture from Percy who threatened him in a quiet way that was even scarier. He was in no doubt that Percy Arthur and Morgana would carry out their threats.

Once again Gwaine had borrowed his Percy's car and he picked Merlin up as promised and drove them to a quiet but really nice restaurant where the food was delicious. Again the owners seemed to know Gwaine well and gave them a place to sit where they would be hidden from the other diners. When Merlin commented on it Gwaine grinned. "Normally I don't mind being seen, all publicity is good publicity as they say. But you aren't used to my world. The owners get exposure by me using them so when I asked for privacy they agreed"

Once again the evening went well, the two men talked and found out how much they had in common despite their different backgrounds. Gwaine explained that not all his life was glamour and glitz and on his last film shot he had had to have a fight in a mud slide and it had been cold and wet "It had to be shot five times it was a freezing day and I was pooped by the end"

Merlin laughed at the description then added "But isn't mud supposed to be good for the complexion?"

"That's as may be but its shite to get out of hair" Gwaine told him. Then as the meal come to an end and on a more serious note Gwaine looked at Merlin "Look Merlin I want this, you, to be a regular part of my life, so will you agree to see me again? I'm asking you know because I will be out of the country for a couple of months and want to know I can look forward to seeing you again" he paused "And I would like permission to phone you while I am away"

The grin on Merlin's face fell as he looked at the earnest face of his date "I don't know" Merlin said honestly "You are fun and I have enjoyed myself but I don't know if I can cope with this" he paused "It's not you, just the dating thing."

He looked so sad that Gwaine took his hand gently "Merlin I know you were hurt but you can't lock yourself away forever. I don't know what the bastard did to you but we aren't all the same you know. I would never willingly hurt you, I can't promise this is forever, I think it is but we have only had two dates. Just let me phone you after all if you don't want to answer you don't have to" Gwaine gave Merlin a pleading look "I don't know what it is about you Merlin, but I know you are special"

"Can't tell you" Merlin spluttered "Not yet"

"Then don't, but when you are ready I will listen, I meant what I said your pace"

"He said that!" Merlin snapped then blushed "Sorry but I really don't know if I can do this, can we go back now?"

They drove back to the flat in silence. Gwaine cursing himself under his breath. As he stopped outside Merlin looked at Gwaine "Look you can phone, I will try to speak to you, but I make no promises. Thank you for tonight I did enjoy it. It's not your fault, nothing you have done it's me." With that he got out of the car and was gone.

Gwaine sat watching until the lights went on in the flat then drove away. When he got to Percy's to return the car he asked the big man if he could talk to him. Gwaine gave Merlin's brother a brief idea of what happened. "Look I really like your brother but I don't want to push him or make him upset. Can you tell me what happened? Just so I know what I'm doing wrong"

Percy looked at Gwaine "No I can't that's his place, if he wants to keep it private that's up to him" he hesitated before continuing "It's not your fault ok. Just give him time and space, maybe its best you're going away. Let it cool off a bit." Seeing Gwaine's face drop he added "Look why don't you send him postcards or something, leave him your number so he can ring you but don't push it."

Gwaine looked disappointed but seemed to understand "Look I'm off in the morning give him this for me, it's my personal number. Tell him I'll think of him every minute but ….. Well just tell him to ring anytime if I can't answer….. If I'm in a shoot I'll ring him back. And Percy I won't hurt him, I really won't"

"I'll tell him" Percy promised.

Both Merlin and Percy spent a sleepless night that night. Both wondering where their relationship, such as it was, was going and whether if it continued it would work out. Gwaine wasn't used to having to fight for his dates both men and women were usually pleased to date him this was all new to him. Yet he found the process exciting as well as frustrating, but deep down he knew that as his mother had always told him good things were worth waiting for, and he was willing to wait as long as it took. While Merlin was string at the ceiling wondering if he dared to follow his heart or whether he could trust himself not to make the same mistake again. After all Valiant had made him feel like he was the most important thing to him to start with. But that had changed. Maybe it was him and not his partner, perhaps he hadn't been good enough.

True to his word the moment Gwaine landed in the USA he sent a postcard to Merlin with a brief message "Thinking of you, missing you already Gxxx"

Then every day he was near a post box he sent another Making sure he posted it not wanting anyone else to touch anything to do with the budding romance. The messages were always short and signed G. There was no way he wanted the paparazzi near Merlin it wouldn't be fair nor would it help his cause. After the first week he phoned Alberto Rossini, after he had spoken to Arthur to check Merlin would be home, and asked the man to deliver a special dish to Merlin one evening together with chocolates and a short message "So you remember our first date like I do G xx"

It took all his will power not to phone and say hello. Merlin meanwhile had tried to put the actor to the back of his mind when the postcards started arriving a week later. Then came the special delivered meal one Wednesday evening. It had been a total surprise and there had been enough for Arthur and Morgana. The Italian said it had been the first time he had ever delivered a meal to someone and whispered in Merlin's ear "Your man is totally smitten with you, make him happy he will be good for you"

Merlin blushed furiously and thanked the Italian. The three friends sat and ate the meal with Arthur and Morgana teasing Merlin. "Have you rang him yet" Morgana demanded

"No" Merlin told her

"Why not? Look Merlin he is clearly smitten with you, give him a chance it doesn't mean you have to sleep with him. Either that or tell him no and move on" Morgana looked at her friend "I know your scared but you can't let what happened with Valliant ruin your life"

"Much as I hate to agree with her, Morgana is right Merlin" Arthur gave a small smile "What does Percy say?"

"The same as you, I think he likes Gwaine, well he did lend him his car twice." Merlin told his friends

Arthur snorted "Yeh and he got to use Gwaine's car in return, I'd say that was a no contest" he paused "But seriously do what you feel is best Merl but remember that if you spend your life alone Valliant has won, he has kept you for himself"

Later that evening after a lot of thought, especially about the comment about his ex winning, Merlin texted Gwaine. He excised himself by saying he didn't know the time difference, but really he found it easier than talking to the man. His message was short and to the point "tnk U 4 the meal C U when you get back"

Pressing send he thought he should have at least written it properly, all his friends told him he was useless at text language but it was gone now and too late to worry. In the morning when he picked up his phone he found a message from Gwaine. He had rang and not texted. "Hi Merlin, great to hear from you and that you enjoyed the meal. I'm back on Friday night would you please spend the day with me Saturday? We could go for a drive somewhere and relax. Please think about it."

Merlin had three days to think about it but he knew if he left it until then he would back out. He told his brother about the call and Percy seemed happy so Merlin once again texted but this time properly. "Love to just let me know the time. Merlin"

So on Saturday Merlin found himself sitting in Gwaine's car and driving through the countryside. He couldn't really believe he had agreed to go out a whole day with a famous actor. The day turned out to be fun and Merlin relaxed and enjoyed himself. They were sitting on the beach looking out to sea and Merlin found himself enjoying listening to Gwaine about his latest film and some of the crazy things they got up to. But when Gwaine turned the conversation to him he wasn't sure what to say.

"Well I'm a PA for Arthur Pendragon but you knew that. I'm sorry I'm just not that interesting"

Gwaine laughed "Oh I'm sure there more than that to say." He waited and when Merlin didn't say anything he added "So Percy is your brother? You don't look much alike"

Merlin looked at Gwaine "You mean he's all muscle and good looking and I'm weedy and have the biggest ears outside of Dumbo"

"Don't run yourself down, you're a great looking bloke and I like your ears! Percy is great but not someone I would want to date. Did one of you take after mum and the other dad?"

Merlin looked embarrassed "No, well I don't think so. Dad left when I was tiny, mum says he was a nomad. We heard he died about ten years ago. To be honest I can't remember him. Mum died six years ago and since then it has been me and Percy. She was knocked over by a hit and run, they caught him, he's been over the limit and driving while disqualified" Merlin looked away, his eyes filling up as they did whenever he thought of how his mum died. He wondered if his life would have turned out differently if she had lived.

"Sorry" Gwaine said "I suffer from foot in mouth disease. I didn't think"

Merlin gave a weak smile "You weren't to know. How about you?"

"I left home to become an actor my father disowned me, said it was a pouncy job for a ponce. He never really coped with me being Bi. Mum helped me pack and I've never gone back. My sister contacted me after my first major role but I didn't get back to her. She wasn't worried when I was thrown out so I figured she was best forgotten." Gwaine looked at Merlin's face.

"Hi don't feel sorry for me. I have great friends and a good life and hopefully a handsome and kind boyfriend." He paused "I know I haven't had the best reputation but I have never hurt anyone knowingly. I guess I was waiting for the right person to come along. And you know what, I think they have" He took Merlin's hand "I really like you a lot Merlin and hope you will give me the chance to prove myself"

Merlin bit his lower lip nervously "I'm not worth it, I mean I'm just a normal guy with all sorts of hung ups. You could do better than me"

Gwaine leant forward and took Merlin's chin in his hand "Look at me Merlin, You are worth it! As for any hang ups we can work through those together."

Merlin leant back into Gwaine, silent for a moment letting things sink in, then he looked at Gwaine "Did you call me your boyfriend?"

Gwaine grinned his eyes twinkling "I did, do you mind because I very much want that"

Merlin nodded "no I don't mind, it sounds nice it's been a long time since anyone called me that" then his face fell as he remembered the last person.

Gwaine noticed Merlin begin to shut off "I know I said in your own time Merl, but please whatever happened don't shut off like that. Whatever happened it won't happen again."

Merlin looked at Gwaine "You don't know that"

"I know I would never hurt you" Gwaine protested "I couldn't it would be like kicking a puppy" he joked.

"Are you calling me a dog?" Merlin squawked

"No never that, but I don't know how anyone could hurt someone as kind and gentle as you" Gwaine admitted. He pulled Merlin into a hug. "I won't let anyone do that to you….ever"

For the first time Merlin began to believe that might be true. That he could have happiness. Gradually over the next couple of months Merlin opened up more and more. Gradually and gently their relationship developed. From hugging to kissing and gentle petting and touching. But Gwaine realised that until Merlin found the confidence to tell him of his past they couldn't go further. So one night as they were sat watching a film sitting on the bed in Merlin's room he gently encouraged Merlin to talk "You know you can tell me anything don't you?"

Merlin knew what Gwaine was getting at, it was like an elephant in the room, but he was scared that once Gwaine knew he would disappear and not come back. But Merlin also knew he wasn't being fair. So far they had managed to keep their relationship from the paparazzi but as soon as the story broke someone was sure to print Merlin's story, he knew that and he knew he needed to tell Gwaine before that.

"I'll tell you, you have the right to know. But can you just listen and not say anything until I finish? Otherwise I don't think I will be able to" Merlin said nervously.

"You don't have to babe" Gwaine said gently "But if you want to I will let you finish I promise."

"I do, you deserve to know after all it's …it's what's stopping us going further" Merlin said hesitantly. He pulled himself out of Gwaine arms and sat up pulling his knees up into his body and curling round into a ball. He closed his eyes then taking a deep breath he started …

I can remember it like yesterday I was walking home one day from work I can remember dragging my feet as I got closer. Wondering how I had got myself into this mess? I had left University full of hope for the future having landed a good job at the Pendragon Corporation, working directly with the Vice Chairman…. Arthur Pendragon, and I was really enjoying the work. We had become friends as well as working together. To start with I had lived with Percy and trying to pay of my student loan and saving hard for deposit for a place of my own. I met a guy, Valliant Dymott, and within months my life had changed. Against everyone's advice I had moved in with my boyfriend, after all we were in love and it was stupid not to, after we had started to spend most of our free time together. My brother, boss and friends didn't like Valiant but of course I knew better I thought they just didn't understand how much in love we were.

But things gradually changed, almost without me really noticing, to start with I was flattered that Val wanted to spend all our time alone together but slowly I began to feel suffocated by the possessiveness. Without realising it I gradually lost more of my self-confidence as he dominated me and all my actions, until I was frightened to do anything without asking first. Eventually I threatened to move out but stayed. For one thing Val promised to change, and two, I had nowhere to go, except back to my brother's tail between my legs admitting that he had been right all along. From that moment I started to save as hard as I could towards a deposit on a flat. I even kept my bank book at work so Val wouldn't find it. Of course Val didn't change instead he made me feel the disagreements were my fault, that maybe I had commitment issues. I began to feel guilty and did my best to change. Other than the possessiveness and rows Valiant had a gentle side. He was generous and never used any physical force on me but his words could hurt me just as much."

Merlin paused as Gwaine put his hand on Merlin's shoulder for support. As promised he kept quiet much as he wanted to reassure Merlin, he could feel the younger man shaking. Merlin started to speak again.

"It all came to a head one evening when I got home late from work to find Val in a temper, I tried to explain that we had extra work due to a big contract and I had done my best to leave on time. I knew I was going to be late again that evening so I had rung to warn him. I knew Valliant wasn't happy, hence my reluctance to go home. It was the last Friday of the month and tonight we were going out to meet up with their friends, a regular event. I decided as I walked back that I would have a word with Percy and not come back to the flat afterwards. I just couldn't face another argument, this time I would leave, and swallow my pride and go and stay with my brother."

Merlin's Adams apple bobbed as he spoke it was clear to Gwaine that the next part would be difficult for Merlin and he had a horrible feeling he knew where it was heading.

"Walking into the building I went up to the third floor where I knew Valliant would be waiting in the flat for me. Opening the door I walked in and put my briefcase and coat down in their usual place and took my shoes off in the hall before walking into the living room. Our flat wasn't huge, but it was comfortable, and I took pride in keeping it clean and we had gradually got it how we liked it. Valiant was eight years older than me and earning a reasonable wage and despite his other faults was never mean and we had made a nice home. I called "I'm back" as I entered the room. I heard noises in the kitchen so walked through to find Valliant sitting at the table nursing a drink. He looked up, Valliant was much larger and stronger than me, with close cut hair and rugged looks. He made me feel protected and loved when we first started to go out. I'd been bullied a lot at school and I liked the feeling. But that night as he looked up I could see he wasn't happy. He growled at me saying I had promised not to be late and we had been going out with MY friends.

I tried to keep calm and told him "I said I would try, I'm not that late. Look Val you know we are extra busy at the moment. I am getting paid overtime and it doesn't happen that often. Anyway there your friends as well" Then I walked towards the kettle to make a cup of tea." Merlin snorted "I remember Mum always said tea solved everything. As I passed him I heard the chair scrape on the floor then I was grabbed and swung round. I had expected an argument and spoke out rather than keep quiet and accept I was to blame. I remember saying "Look Val I said I'm sorry, just drop it just this once I am tired and hungry"

Swallowing a few times Merlin hunkered down even further into a ball

"He glared at me. I could see he was mad and a bit drunk he shouted "So am I, I planned on taking you out for a meal by ourselves, a romantic evening, if you had been home on time, but no you couldn't keep your word." His face was red and his eyes flashing with anger. "Your first loyalty should be to me! Not that poncey boss of yours, are you shagging him!" he hissed at me. He had always hated Arthur. I was shocked and told him he was talking nonsense. I went to walk away. I told him "I've had enough! I'm sorry Val you said you would stop this, but you aren't even trying, I am not your possession, and I rang you! You knew exactly what I was doing. I can't keep living like this I'm moving out!" I walked past him and towards the bedroom. Started to throw a few things into a bag .deciding I would leave right away and go back for the rest of my stuff the next day. He was leaning on the door frame watching me. He said I wouldn't last a minute without him and I was a fool"

Merlin was talking but Gwaine wasn't even sure Merlin realised he was still there

"I am not a fool, I had been, but I thought enough is enough, I knew should have done this before. I told him 'This just won't work Val we are both miserable how we are. It's clear you don't trust me and I can't live like this" I went to go through to the bathroom to get my wash kit. As I went past Valiant pushed him backwards onto the bed. I fell backwards, surprised for all of Valliant's previous behaviour he had only ever used words before, he had never hurt me physically. Yet as I looked up I felt a shiver of fear run down my spine at his expression. He looked at me like I was shit and told me "You aren't going anywhere you are MINE! You will stay here and you will give up your job. I earn enough to keep both of us. Do you understand?"

I stood up and shouted back "I am not Yours! I am not going to become your prisoner. This has gone on too long I can't stay here Val and you can't make me. It's over, so stop this now, it's the drink talking and you will know I am right in the morning" Before could say more I felt him punch me I tried to defend himself but I didn't stand a chance as one blow after another landed. Each burst of pain was punctuated with Valiant speaking "You" punch "are" punch "Not" punch "going" punch "anywhere" until I blacked out from the pain."

By now Merlin had tears running down his face "I spent the next three months in hospital. I didn't even wake up for nearly two weeks. My brother found me later that evening when he called round to find out why we hadn't come out. He had been concerned when he couldn't get me on the phone."

Gwaine pulled Merlin into a hug, he was surprised that he too had tears running down his face, they stayed there for several minutes before Gwaine spoke "The bastard I hope Percy beat the shit out of him"

"They never found him, he had gone leaving me for dead. Arthur even paid for a private investigator but they still haven't found him." Merlin didn't continue to say it had taken much longer for him to begin to recover from the physiological trauma he had suffered. Luckily he had a group of close friends who rallied round and supported him. But even so it took him a couple of years before he was back to anything like he had been before he had met Valliant.

The confession had rung Merlin out and he sank into Gwaine's arms and fell into an exhausted sleep. Gwaine sat there and held him trying to control his anger at the man who had treated Merlin so. After an hour he gently eased Merlin down flat and went out to the toilet. Deciding he had to stay until Merlin woke, knowing if he didn't Merlin might think he had left for good Gwaine made his way to the kitchen for a drink of water. As he walked into the living room he saw Arthur sat looking at him.

"Doing the walk of shame" Arthur said cuttingly

"No Princess, far from it I'm not leaving until Merlin wakes up" Gwaine said "And for your information I have nothing to be shameful about. Not that I wouldn't, given the chance. Merlin has just told me about Valliant" Gwaine looked at Arthur "He said the bastard was never caught"

Arthur closed his eyes "No! We tried everything, even a P.I. Not a trace. They think he went to Europe then who knows. With charge of attempted murder he clearly didn't want to be caught. It could so easily have been murder" Arthur paused "He told you everything?"

"I don't know, he told me what happened before and what he can remember about the attack. He also said he was in hospital of ages." Gwaine admitted "How bad was it? His injuries I mean"

"Bad enough, I was with Percy when we found him, we both thought he was dead. He was in theatre for hours. He had his spleen removed, one of his ribs had punctured a lung, and he had bruising to his kidneys and Cardiac muscle. Several broken ribs and other more minor injuries. I have never seen someone so bruised and I never want to again. The doctors said that he was hit with full strength and Valliant was muscular and fit, he used to do boxing training as a hobby. He knew exactly what he was doing. Not only was he in hospital for months, psychologically he is still suffering."

"I guessed that, look Arthur I have no intention of hurting Merlin…either physically or mentally. I want him in my life permanently" he paused "I need to get back to him, I don't want him waking up alone" with that he turned and went back and sat next to Merlin watching him as he slept.

It was several hours later when Merlin woke and noticed Gwaine sat by his side. "Sorry, I didn't mean to fall asleep"

"I don't mind, you needed it. Thank you Merlin for trusting me with that. I know it was hard but I know now and we can work through it together." Gwaine said gently then looked at his watch it was three am. "Now I'll go home and see you tomorrow"

"You don't have to" Merlin said "It's a double bed" then realising what he said blushed "I mean you can sleep here it would be silly for you to go home now"

"If you're sure, but that's all I'll do mind, I must admit this chair ain't comfortable" at Merlin's nod Gwaine took off his jeans and top and slide under the sheet. "You can have a cuddle if you like, I won't try anything….scouts honour"

Very sleepily Merlin asked "Where you ever a scout?"

"Nah, but I won't we aren't ready for that yet. But I would like a cuddle" Gwaine grinned. "Sleeping with you is a real step up for us!" he winked.

"I guess it is" With that Merlin cuddled up to Gwaine and the two men where soon asleep.

Their relationship seemed to gather pace after Merlin's confession, and although they had yet to have sex they both became more comfortable with each other and their friends saw that this could be the beginning of a long term thing. So when Merlin asked his boss for two weeks off so he could go to Yorkshire with Gwaine to watch him filming Arthur felt it would be wrong to raise any objections. That didn't stop him and Percy threatening Gwaine.

They had been on set for four days, they had two days left then they were going to spend some time looking around the Moors somewhere Merlin had never been. Merlin was stood watching Gwaine in a romantic scene when he looked across the set. He felt himself go cold and clammy as he watched a man moving scenery about. He wanted to scream and run but he couldn't move. But he pulled himself together somehow. The man was dangerous and he needed to act before anyone else was hurt. Merlin stepped back into the shadows and pulled out his phone and dialled a number he still had on his phone.

"It's Merlin Emrys I don't know if you remember me" he spoke as the man answered. Getting a positive response Merlin continued "I am in Yorkshire with a friend and I have just seen him…Valiant Dymott. What do I do?" after speaking for a few minutes Merlin waited, looking out of the window. He was trying to build up the courage to do something he really wanted to do, he needed closure so he could move on with his life.

When he saw two police cars pull up he stood up from where he had been crouching and started to walk somewhat unsteadily towards where he had seen his ex-boyfriend. By now the police had entered the building Merlin walked up to Valliant who was twice his size and very muscular, he had always been proud of his physic. The other man turned as Merlin approached and sneered as he saw who it was.

"Well well come out of the wood work have you, missing me?"

Merlin tried to keep calm. "Why? That's all I want to know Why?"

Merlin felt a hand on his shoulder and Gwaine voice said "Who is this Merlin? Someone you know?"

Valliant looked Gwaine up and down "So you're with him now are you" he said to Merlin then turned to Gwaine

"Did you know he is a cheating cocksucker? Tells you he's working late, but it's not work he does"

"Who the hell are you?" Gwaine demanded

"He's Valliant the man I told you about" Merlin's voice shock but he was still just about holding his nerve "Well why did you do it?"

Valliant shrugged and looked the shocked Gwaine straight in the eye "You know he's into a bit of heavy BDSM, real kinky this one, trouble is he's a slut"

Gwaine moved quickly and grabbed Valliant round the neck and forced him against the wall "You bastard! No one talks about Merlin like that" he snarled as Merlin put his hand on Gwaine's shoulder.

"Leave it Gwaine…please he isn't worth it. The Police are here I called them, but I needed to face him first"

The Police were indeed there and took over from a reluctant Gwaine arresting Valliant with the warrant from Merlin's attack.

"You should have told me Merlin, I could have.." Gwaine looked like he wanted nothing better than to pummel Valliant into the ground.

"No you couldn't, it would have got you in trouble and violence doesn't solve anything." Merlin walked forward and hugged his boyfriend "But thank you, I knew if I told you what would happen but I needed to face my fears. I waited until the police was here, I was in no danger"

Gwaine looked at Merlin "You're a brave man, I don't know if I could have done that, not after what you went through" then he gave a small smile "You know you just outed us don't you, so much for the 'just friend's' story"

Merlin looked round and saw the crew was watching them with interest and there was more than on mobile pointed at them. "Ah well it wouldn't have worked forever would it" He then kissed Gwaine for good measure.

Gwaine returned the kiss with such passion that they received several whistles, Gwaine raised his middle finger in their general direction but at the same time not breaking off the kiss. The police had a couple of questions for Merlin before they left and arranged for him to be contacted later. Then Gwaine and Merlin left the set and drove off.

Later that evening Merlin's phone kept ringing as his brother, boss and Morgana tried to contact him. But his phone was sitting on his bed in the hotel and he was out with Gwaine for a meal making the most of it before their privacy was invaded. They both knew it wouldn't be long before the fact of their romance hit the news. Merlin had texted them before leaving to tell them Valliant had been found and arrested so figured they didn't need to know anything else yet, because now he felt he had gained his life back and was grabbing it with both hands.


End file.
